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Sexual Health: Choosing Sexual Abstinence a Safer, Rewarding Choice  Previous Next

Choosing Sexual Abstinence a Safer, Rewarding Choice

Terrance Lile (Uncle Terry)

Tight clothing, sexual innuendos and Girl’s Gone Stupid commercials have made it extremely difficult for us to ignore sex. For those who have chosen to remain sexually abstinent, it can often be a headache to hear over and over again, “Jason, everyone’s doing it.” If everyone jumped off a bridge would you?

Sexual behavior is becoming more and more aesthetically acceptable. Today, one can easily turn on the TV to find a couple doing the rumba in the back seat of a car or on the dining room table. Parents allow their young daughters to dress like 39-year-old hookers. Boys are running around with their jeans to the bottom of their boxers. Young boys are mocked because they are seen as a potentially doomed 40Year Old Virgin. By the age of 15 girls are convinced they will become an “old maid” if they don’t soon have sex. Do you want to encourage humanity into destroying its moral fiber, as we know it? Or, will you stand up for what you believe?

At Ask Uncle Terry, I recently received an email from the representative of a popular sex advisor. While she is among the best and I have a lot of respect for her we don’t totally agree on sexual abstinence. The email stated in part, “We generally do not promote abstinence, because we think that's unrealistic”. Perhaps it is unrealistic but I am not one to give up hope on our younger generation. My response in part to the email was, “I have experienced the traumas of out of wedlock births or having abortions including those in my own family. I have adopted children; I have helped to raise a grandson from an out of wedlock birth and seen how torn he becomes when shuffled back and forth between households. These experiences have strengthened my desire to encourage abstinence along with safe sex, condom use and birth control for the majority that will choose early sex over abstinence.” You see, as a realist I realize that by the end of the 9th grade 1/3 of youngsters will have experienced intercourse and this number increases to almost 2/3 by senior prom. Still, I applaud those that have the courage to wait!

So how does one define virginity? For most people a virgin is one that has never had penile-vaginal sex. By this definition a gay, lesbian, bisexual or a transgender person that has never had sex with a person of the opposite sex would technically be a virgin, as would the straight person that has only had sex such as oral or anal but not penile-vaginal sex.

Many individuals define sex in much broader terms. Some would include in their definition of sex, activities such as oral, anal, mutual masturbation, dry humping, or using sex toys. By this definition, it could be said that virginity is lost the first time an intimate sexual experience takes place. This experience could be with the person of the same or opposite sex and not simply the first time penetration occurs. By this definition you could still be a “technical virgin” and at least in your own mind, allow yourself to get away with quite a bit.

So why would one want to remain a virgin until in a committed relationship? One of the best qualities of being a virgin is supply and demand. Screw the microeconomic theory of the supply and demand. All you need to know is that there are few virgins on this planet. Therefore, supply is low and demand is sky-high. This can be an extreme benefit for both men, and women.

If you are a woman, being a virgin is comparable to being sacred. Once you are ready, one lucky man will enjoy the privilege of knowing that he is the only one that has shared an incredible moment with you. You will both feel a sense of pride and importance. You have accepted him and only him into your body, resulting in an ultimate sign of respect. The same can be said for the man that has waited to hear the words “Till Death Do Us Part”. For those waiting for marriage, this is a great way to show the other that you know they are the one.

Men, most women will understand your choice and love you for it. For this reason, they will see that your word comes with dedication and loyalty. A lot of women will look at you as grade “A” relationship material. After all, women love companionship and want to find someone who cares about their personality first, rather than imagining them in bed. Not to mention, they will be less worried about you cheating on them because of that trust you have given them.

It can sometimes be hard for your boy friend or girl friend if they have already had sex. Therefore, it is crucial that you try and stay positive. Often the partner will crave you even more if they cannot have you. Even if you have already had sex it is not too late to become a “born again virgin”. While your virginity may have been misplaced you know where to find and reclaim it. You are in control of your body so the choice is yours. Once virginity is reclaimed you may decide to wait until in a long term committed relationship or even your wedding night. As a young adult, sexual choices are a mature decision to be made by you and not someone else.

Unfortunately, there are a few scare tactics to help you remain abstinent. However, we must not look at them as threats, but rather in the same way one would avoid drinking to prevent a hangover. Despite the “pill” and other sexual forms of protection, there are people everyday who have unwanted pregnancies. As a result, women are faced with a decision that will change their entire lives. Aside from the chance of getting pregnant, sexually transmitted diseases can occur. Being diagnosed with an STD or HIV will not only lead to having a bad day, it may even shorten the quality, or span of your life. Technical virgin or not, straight, gay, bi, transgendered, if you are going to have sex, play it safe and use condoms for vaginal and anal sex and oral sex on a man, and dams or plastic wrap for oral sex on a woman.

In today’s society there is a lot of pressure to lose one’s virginity, making it even more difficult for those who choose to wait. One could easily ignore television, avoid parties and drive far away to avoid human contact. Realistically, in making decisions we shouldn’t run away from temptation, but rather embrace the choices we’ve made. The broad definitions of virginity leave each and every person a lot of room for interpretation. You and only you will know when it is time to “lose it”. Wouldn’t you rather avoid jumping off the bridge?

Uncle Terry is a widower married to the same woman for nearly 40 years and both were virgins at the time of marriage. He is a father and grandfather. As an advocate of abstinence until in a committed adult relationship he presently bills himself as a born again virgin. Uncle Terry believes that all men and woman should treat their spouse or partner with respect, and regard them as royalty.

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